We had anticipated two healthy twin boys. They were growing so healthy and at my ultrasound on May 15th there were no warning signs of anything different. On Sunday May 21st I was feeling quite terrible, and that may have been when our sweet little Eli had passed. I had just thought that with twins this may be the new way I was going to feel until I had delivered. I had just seen Alisha feeling miserable with her twins at 33 weeks along and just thought it was the miserable I was going to feel with twins. My lower back had felt terrible, I was having more frequent Braxton hicks and my eye sight was starting to be off. I had a sinus infection (which I was taking Amoxicillin for). My feet were huge swelling, retaining water. I was feeling like I might throw up but was thinking it might have something to do with my Hital Hernia and having less space in my stomach, being squished. I had told Ryan I was so tired that night that I had had it. I asked him to help out and he cleaned out the sink and filled up and ran the dishwasher that night for me.
Monday morning my mom had called me and said that the way I was felling might be signs of preclampsia and had told me to see if I could get a reading of my blood pressure from Mike or someone. I have a nurse friend down the street, Devey and got her to take a reading for me. It currently was 127/82 so when I called the nurses office to see if I might could get in and told her my symptoms and my blood pressure she didn't seem to concerned just yet.
On Tuesday I just had mostly the back pain.
Then on Wednesday I heard the worst news of my life. It started out fine. I was feeling fine. But for some odd reason I got to thinking, I feel like I might be feeling less kicks. I really don't know if I really had been feeling less kick or maybe just had the feeling that maybe something might not be right. I still wasn't really concerned because my babies were very healthy in all of my appointments. If they had shown any signs of being anything different I think I would have been more inclined to go in to the dr much sooner. I had asked my friend Andrea to have her use her doppler to see if we might could pick up both of their heart beats. I still really wasn't too concerned. We only picked up on one of them. But odly where we picked up on the heart beat was up higher on my stomach (below my right rib) were little Eli was, not where Rhett was. When we would scan lower where Rhett was there was nothing. That sounds so backwards. After we had dinner at her house she encouraged us to go in to just make sure nothing was the matter. I'm so glad that she encouraged us to go in because we could have lost Rhett too. I seriously was not really all that concerned still but just wanted peace of mind.
We went home Ryan was nervous that we might incur a large ER bill and I ensured him that we were going into Labor and Delivery and it was different. He was like me, not really concerned yet cause I seemed fine. He was thinking that I should just go in to the office the next day. I told him I was bringing my bag just in case, cause I have heard of crazy stories where a woman went in for a regular visit and they end up having their babies. So he decided to pack a bag too. We also grabbed pajamas for the girls to fall asleep at grandmas, but I don't think that we had clothing for them for the next day cause I thought we would be back to get them that evening.
One the way to the hospital I almost talked myself out of going in cause I had felt some more movement. I'm so glad I didn't listen to that feeling. When we got there I still wasn't concerned so I told Ryan he could stay out in the car because he had a long day and was tired. I went in and they told me that I had very high blood pressure and I told Ryan to come in. They had brought in a few nurses and were prepping me for and IV of Magnesium. Dr. Keating was waiting for Ryan to come in to tell me that Eli had passed. Just minutes before Ryan had come in she had shown me on the ultrasound that baby B didn't have a heartbeat. Also she had informed us that I had a very high blood pressure that could have resulted in a stroke or seizure. This was all a shock to me. I didn't know how to react. I had no warning. They also gave me a steroid shot to help our little Rhett develop more. I was going to have to deliver my baby boys within the next 48 hours as a result of preeclampsia, high blood pressure.
We were able to take it easy and rest for a full day while hoping Rhett would absorb, progress with the steroid shot. Dr. West had done an ultra sound that had revealed that Rhett was transverse so he was most likely going to have to be delivered via c-section. Some time during that day my friend had offered to pay for a session for us to remember our boys. I will be forever grateful for those images of our little Eli. Through the night my body was having braxton hicks that Rhett was not loving and so we knew there was a possibility that we would have to take him sooner. We were hoping to do the c-section at 2pm on May 26th. I was just finishing up breakfast just before 6am and then was going to be put on a water only diet. Since I knew I could likely have to deliver sooner I tried to eat a light breakfast. I think about 10 minutes after I ate they came in and told us it was time. For the safety of our little Rhett we needed to proceed now. Ryan had already walked into the bathroom to take a shower but thankfully hadn't already started. I told the nurses to knock on the door and tell him also it was time.
They wheeled me into the operating room. Got Ryan some juice since he hadn't eaten yet. I was slid onto the other table and prepped for a c-section. When they were prepping the anesthesiologist mentioned oxygen and I told him to go ahead and just give it too me as I have needed it before. At some point I really felt like I might throw up so asked for a throw up bag, but thankfully didn't need it during the c-section. All went well during the c-section and we got to take Eli back with us to the room. I got to hold him for a while. I think I still was very stunned and drugged that I didn't know how to enjoy him. Thankfully after getting out of the hospital I got to spend some time with him in the funeral home. Since we knew that we were going to be doing a photo session with him and the nurse told us the best way to preserve his body was to send him to the cooler. I probably could have enjoyed him longer then will his little body was still warm and so perfect. Also some time after the c-section my breakfast did end up coming up. Unfortunately it came on too quickly that the nurse wasn't able to get the bag to me quick enough. I threw up on my neck/chest and got a little on Eli's blanket. I was a little upset because this nurse was waiting for another nurse to come help clean me up. So I sat in my gown that had some throw up on it for a good ten plus minutes, probably even a half an hour.
Since I knew I was going to have pictures done I didn't want to have an ugly ponytail. I asked Andrea to come down and braid my hair. I'm so glad she was willing and able to help me because with the magnesium IV I could hardly move. I was starting to feel super tired and then the Nurse wanted to take me to my new room and go see Rhett on the way. I was SO tired I was a little irritated she wanted to move just then. They probably needed that recovery room for another mom. So I got to see Rhett in the NICU and they told me I could probably do skin to skin with him. I think they were willing & maybe encoraging me to hold him at that time. I just was way too tired. I was trying to think of when to do the pictures. I'm so glad we were able to schedule to do them at 6pm on Saturday evening.
Saturday: The worst I have ever felt in my life.
On Saturday I hit a whole new level of low. Sometime during the morning I was thinking I got to get up and get moving because Alisha my sister said the after a c-section you need to get moving to get things moving so your not in pain. I got to realizing that I could not even move/lift my arms for more then like 30 seconds. I was thinking how am I going to go to the butterfly room for my session, I can't even move my arms. I was kind of depressed that here Ryan was getting showered and getting ready and I couldn't hardly even get my contacts in. I must have complained enough and the nurse had sympathy enough on me that she had talked to the Dr. on call and had gotten me switched over to a pill for my blood pressure instead of the magnesium IV. They took me off the IV around noon. I was SO happy. I now was going to have six hours to come off that IV instead of only two hours. We also had some friends come in to visit and it was great to have visitors. I realized that because my eyesight was still off from the blood pressure it took all of me to be involved in a conversation with them. I later realized that the reason it took all of me is because with my hearing loss I really do rely on my eyesight quite a bit. Then also at times I was so exhausted that I couldn't think straight. When I would close my eyes my brain was all wack like I was on some crazy drugs. A few different times I told Ryan I needed complete silence and I needed to knock out. I put my hearing aides in as ear plugs to drown out even more noise. I almost feared that I might be starting PPD and that scared me. I almost feared that I might never be normal again. I felt I might not be able to take care of my kids or drive a car again. I just didn't feel good. I wanted to get out of there fast so that I could get more rest without the nurses constantly checking on me.
The photo session:
Since I hadn't planned on having a baby quite yet I didn't really have clothing that I would normally pick for a photo session but oh well. When we walked into the room it was beautiful. I immediately knew I wanted one particular image of Ryan with his son little Eli. I'm SO glad Andrea arranged to have her photographer to take the images for us. They will be treasured by all of us. I'm glad she opened up Eli's blanket and got his sweet prefect body & improved his color in Photoshop.
