Some other Memories

When Rhett was sleeping, I needed sleep.  I would have to force myself to face the other way and get some sleep.  He was an amazing sleeper at night.  I honestly don't recall having to constantly giving him a binky to go back to sleep.  He slept well.  Babies just sometimes make little noises and I needed all the sleep I could get to keep my mind healthy.  I just prayed that he would still be with us come morning time. 

Big scare and His surgery  -   Apparently the way they informed me to mix his formula thicker to help him gain weight faster was an extra strain for his bowels.  One morning I was very delirious/tired and didn't realize he was having a struggle to use the restroom.  His stomach went hard and I knew something wasn't right but for the wrong reasons. I took him to the ER. They struggled to prick him to test his blood.  I teased the NICU might can help mainly cause I know the ladies in the NICU.  They transferred us to the Boise hospital since it had a children's hospital and could admit him there.  NICU generally doesn't readmit babies. While there we realided that he really was very constipated.  But the may have been what caused his inguinal hernia. Straining too much. One of the NICU nurses gave us a heads up to watch for it. She thought she may have seen signs of it.  They were able to get him a surgery scheduled.  I was staying the night to keep in the loop of how to help him.  Though it became too much for me.  One night the nurses took him out in the hall because I had a struggle getting some sleep with all the alarms accidentally binging and nurse checks.  I was very irritable and didn't have the patience to calm him.  The amazing Dr. at the end for our check out was awesome.  He took Rhett off the monitors just to give me peace of mind that he didn't fear Rhett's apnea spells any longer. 

All the nurses that took care of us were SO incredibly amazing to us during those first few months.

Baby A, Baby B  -  In the NICU there was a set of twins.  The day they were checking them out I could hear their conversation.  I was trying hard to tune it out. The HARDEST part was they were not calling the babies by their names.  When they were describling that they needed to keep their own cars seat and not swap they were calling them by baby A and baby B. 😭  What they call the babies all while in your prenatal appointments. I wanted to close the door, go out there and say something, walk out of the NICU crying.  I think I may have just opened the battery flaps on my hearing aids and tried to tune it out.

Enjoy the others  -  I had a dream or something that caused me to think that I wasn't spending enough time with my girls.  I was thinking of Aubree.  I woke and got down on the ground in our room to cuddle her for a bit before she needed to head off to school.  Later that day i was putting clothes away in the drawers.  I staggered them like steps so that I could put items in multiple drawers.  I walked to Rhett's room to put some items in his room.  I heard a loud boom in the girls room.  I rushed back and seen that the dresser fell over.  Kendra tried to climb it.  The humidifier also spilled.  I quickly cleaned it up.  I don't believe she got pinched at all. Probably angels watching out for her.  Knowing I couldn't handle more at the moment.  Rhett's at home nurse that came for weight checks came later that day and gave me comfort that she is likely just fine because she had just as much energy as ever and not throwing up.

Physical Therapy-  For a bit we had physical therapy visiting our home. when they initially came it was so mice to hear the lady say he has no monitors, cords or tubes?  My little miracle for me, after what I had been through. They would encourage me to have him do tummy time. and I just didn't have it in me.  He did like tummy time and Kendra was a bit mischief.  I kept his bassinet up on the counter to keep him away from Kendra. despite my efforts she one time gagged him by putting her fingers deep into his mouth.  He threw everything up.  I told physical therapy I didn't want to continue visits.  He would learn these things in his own time.

Counting kids -  On occasion I looked around the room to make sure all the kids wear near.  Sometime I would feel Eli presence near.   My momma heart wanted to tend to him. grab him out of the bassinet, rest the baby swing for him.  There is one particular time I felt it a bit stronger.  We caught covid at the very beginning when it hit the valley.  Aubree had a very high fever 104.9.  I was nervous of her having a seizure or brain damage.  She was very smart and my big helper.  I was so nervous for her. I packed ice packs around her head. I felt like Eli was near looking out for us.

 

Lunches at the Hospital- The reserved empty rooms for us NICU moms since they didn't have a waiting room at this NICU.  I didn't want to leave any personal belongings in the room for fear of it being misplaced.  Well occasionally they would give my room to another mother because nothing was left in there. So sometimes they delivered it already to another mom. And I could not longer eat it.  Once it got delivered and the mom wasn't in there.  I quickly grabbed my tray and walked out.   Any time my tray was not in my room I often shed tears.  I was an emotional wreck because of everything I have been going through.  It was a tremendous blessing to have lunches provided.  I would go feed Rhett once, eat lunch, and then feed him again. Then I would go home and take a nap with my girls.  Or have quiet time.  They would watch TV while I took a break.   I am pretty positive that because my hearing aides didn't connect well with my phone I would take them out if i was talking to anyone or my mom on the phone.  I believe I accidentally left them on the tray and since they were in an altoid mint box, thrown out like trash.

Huge blessings - Rhett low birth weight qualified him for medicaid.  We didn't need to also worry about his NICU bill, Surgery Stay, or his cost of expensive preemie formula.  HUGE blessings.  

NG tube pulled too early- while he was in the NICU one dr decided to pull his NG tube becasue they felt he was doing well.  Looking back I REALLY wish that he hadn't.  He got a new Dr every week.  the dr's rotate where they are at.  this dr gave me too much false hope which turned into a nightmare.  because he didn't have his NG tube we felt pressured to make him orally eat the whole bottle.  Instead of finishing it off in the NG pump if he ran out of energy.  Because of this he had an apnea spell that I was not able to wake him from. The nurse took him from me stimulated his back and started reading the oxygen.  I believe she mostly held it near his face not mask on face.   The next day when I went to go give him back his bottle after burping him and I just couldn't bring myself to it.  That's usually when his arm would start to go limp and when he really went grey and limp the day before.  I went to get the nurse and he finished the bottle fine for her.  Maybe putting him down for a moment help give him a tinge of a break he needed.  I broke down in tears in front of the nurse.  The next day or so  I didn't quite hear what the nurse said but I believe there was one time they did have to intervene while I was gone.  I kind of actually didn't want to know too much.  So didn't really ask much questions.  It's kind of a nice idea to have someone that is not directly related to help assist you when your not really all there and trying to protect your tender heart.  If I could take it back I would have told them, no, I want the NG tube placed back in.

Giving up pumping -  I had hoped to eventually nurse Rhett but as time pressed on it slowly became a reality that it wasn't feasible.  At list he was too little and weak.  Then as time passed it was a lot of work to continue with pumping and cleaning all the parts while taking care of two girls at home and going to the NICU.  On top of all my other emotions I was dealing with.  Lack of sleep to pump at night was the first to go.  I needed more sleep. While Rhett was in the Children's hospital I made the final decision to give it up.  I really didn't was to cause an apnea spell just because of my wish to eventually nurse.  For quite some time after, or maybe even all of his time on a bottle he would suck five times and then breathe five times.  He struggled with the rhythm of suck breathing thing.  It wasn't worth it.

Loves of my life

Ryan - I love how you kindly tease me.  You never try put me down.   You keep things light and generally positive.  You are awesome at trying to interact with the kids in the evenings.  I LOVE that. You work your tail off for our family and I love how dedicated you are to do that for our family so I can do my job of raising our kids.  I love your genuine smile.  I love your goofiness.  The way you can be goofy in front of us and just be yourself.  I love when you scoot your legs to my side of the bed to cuddle.


Aubree - You are so smart.  You love to learn. You are great at trying to understand what’s going on in our family and try to be a big helper.  You a very mature.  You are considerate of others. I love that you enjoy drawing and I love when you put detail into your art. I love your natural highlights in your hair.  So pretty.


Kendra - You grasp and understand so much.  You are smart and spunky.  You have such a fun personality and say some of the funniest, cutest things.  You surprise with things that I didn’t know you remembered or understood.  You have an amazing memory and understanding.


Rhett - You have the funnest little giggles.  And you can make yourself laugh.  Is SO fun.  You blow me away with the things you are able to accomplish.  You a smart little cookie and such a fun personality. I love to see your cute little baby run.  You are so cute when you understand what we are saying and do things.  You are so cute when you clean up the toys all on your own.  And the words you are already saying.  Blows me away.  Smart little baby.

Looking Back - Signs

Looking back there were a few signs.

I remember the first sign was that the ultrasound tech said that Eli was measuring smaller in that very last appointment.   Though the dr.  never said anything about it.  During that same appointment I remembered the nurse said I jumped in weight.  I remember telling him about my sisters preeclampsia.  Though I don’t recall him telling me any signs or checking my swelling.

The day of my baby shower my friend teased that she was surprised my ring still fit.  It was even more snug than before.   On Sunday evening I felt sore and had Ryan load the dishwasher.
The next morning my mom called and/or text me saying she thought it could potentially be preeclampsia but maybe I could get a reading of my blood pressure.  I was able to get a reading from my nurse friend down the street.  It was very slightly elevated.  The nurse didn’t seem concerned even with the description of my eyesight being off.   When I looked at my granite countertop it looked like a 3D picture that you cross your eyes to be able to see the hidden image.

Later in the week I was feeling fine but just felt something was off and maybe less kicks.  Which was weird because usually I didn’t feel much kicks from Eli anyway with his placenta in front.

Tender Mercies

I was talking to Amber Miller today and I told her that a recent passing of a micro premie in the ward has restored some feelings of my own loss.  Somewhere in the conversation she asked me if I had seen Tender Mercies in my own life.  I will try to think of some.

- Rhett was steady when he was born and wasn’t in intensive need.  So I didn’t fear his life right away and I could focus on myself.   I was in a bad spot with all those meds and lack of sleep.
-My milk (Or colostrum) came in rather quickly (while still in the hospital) so that I could feed him.
- The Brunson’s covering a baby session for Eli so I could treasure those images forever.
-Rhett didn’t really get any sickness even a real cold for a long time (even past Christmas).   That was a huge blessing since I was dealing with anxiety.  And added fear for anything that might effect his breathing.  I kept putting ongaurd oil on his feet but that isn’t fool proof.  I think he was being watched over since Aubree was now in Kindergarten.  We sanitized her hands like crazy but that alone still isn’t fool proof.
-When school did start I didn’t have to take Aubree to school.  Thankfully her bus time lined up with the time Ryan went to work.  That way I didn’t have to get everyone else ready and into the van.
-Rhett never caught RSV.
-Rhett seems to show no signs of development issues despite his early birth.
- Rhett’s surgery going well without well without complications.  Also having Amber there with me to talk so I can keep my mind occupied and not so nervous.
- Having Ashley happen to be traveling to town that weekend we were doing Eli’s services because I had told my family not to worry about coming and making two trips for me in the year.  I was trying not to inconvenience anyone when it was just a small little graveside service but I was glad to have both Ashley and Amber there.
-Ashley and Amber surprising me with a visit when I had a lot of stress on my mind.  Eli’s Angelverssary and Ryan trying to decide to take the new job were weighing heavily on me and then it was SO nice to have them there to support me during the blow up from all the stress.

2017 recap

This year I’ve dealt with the hardest struggle of my life.  After having two completely healthy babies I never imagined I would struggle with pregnancy.  Even after an early miscarriage I just didn’t imagine it would be my challenge that I would have to go through.  After we lost our sweet little Eli at 30 weeks gestation I have had many heartbreaking moments.  When I had first gotten home from the hospital and had a quiet moment to myself I cried out loud like baby. It has gotten easier but whenever I see/hear the word twin or see little twin kids or babies I feel a slight sadness (or more if I let it).  Every now and then I think to myself I need to get baby out of the bassinet but Rhett is in the swing or likewise.  My heart yearns to tend to our little Eli.  I’ve shed tears many times at church during songs that have tugged on my heartstrings.

After bringing Rhett home from the NICU lack of sleep (waking to feed through the night), his health dependency on me (no longer the NICU nurses) since he had just bearly gotten over his apnea, I was fearful of losing another child), adjusting to three kids, and Ryan working long hours along with going to school wore on me.  I kept catching myself saying in my head,”I want to be normal”, “I don’t feel normal”.  I also felt like I had come acrose a lot of articles on postpartum depression.  I knew I didn’t have that.  But something similar.  I realized I was anxious to be alone, in case something were to happen.  Also he wasn’t a very strong eater. He would pause often to catch his energy (that’s why he had apnea spells).  I would get SO mad at the girls when the would talk at all near him, distracting him while he was eating.  I was SO nervous about his health.  Though my anxiety was starting to creep into other things too.  Not just his health. I knew I needed help.  After starting medication for postpartum anxiety I was able to switch the subject (thoughts that made me anxious) in my brain a lot easier again. Not back to normal but a lot better. My eyes have been opened SO much.  We never know what someone has been through in the span of their life, what struggles they deal with.  If someone may be doing something that might not normally be excepted it may be their way of dealing with a challenge in their life. We just never know.  Through these trials of mine from this past year I’ve come to realize that psychology is so complex as to why we do and feel the way we do.

I am very grateful for the gospel in knowing that I will see Eli again.  Also for many great family, friends, neighbors in helping us in so many ways to get through these last 7 months.

Rhett's NICU Timeline

He was only on CPAP for a day or two.

Jaundice light - only a week or so

Transferred to Meridian Hospital June 10th

Caffeine off of it on July 5th

Remove the feeding tube in his nose July 10th. 

Came home July 29th

Our World Turned Upside Down

We had anticipated two healthy twin boys.  They were growing so healthy and at my ultrasound on May 15th there were no warning signs of anything different.  On Sunday May 21st I was feeling quite terrible, and that may have been when our sweet little Eli had passed. I had just thought that with twins this may be the new way I was going to feel until I had delivered.  I had just seen Alisha feeling miserable with her twins at 33 weeks along and just thought it was the miserable I was going to feel with twins. My lower back had felt terrible, I was having more frequent Braxton hicks and my eye sight was starting to be off.  I had a sinus infection (which I was taking Amoxicillin for).  My feet were huge swelling, retaining water.  I was feeling like I might throw up but was thinking it might have something to do with my Hital Hernia and having less space in my stomach, being squished.  I had told Ryan I was so tired that night that I had had it.  I asked him to help out and he cleaned out the sink and filled up and ran the dishwasher that night for me.

Monday morning my mom had called me and said that the way I was felling might be signs of preclampsia and had told me to see if I could get a reading of my blood pressure from Mike or someone.  I have a nurse friend down the street, Devey and got her to take a reading for me.  It currently was 127/82 so when I called the nurses office to see if I might could get in and told her my symptoms and my blood pressure she didn't seem to concerned just yet.

On Tuesday I just had mostly the back pain.

Then on Wednesday I heard the worst news of my life.  It started out fine.  I was feeling fine.  But for some odd reason I got to thinking, I feel like I might be feeling less kicks.  I really don't know if I really had been feeling less kick or maybe just had the feeling that maybe something might not be right.  I still wasn't really concerned because my babies were very healthy in all of my appointments.  If they had shown any signs of being anything different I think I would have been more inclined to go in to the dr much sooner. I had asked my friend Andrea to have her use her doppler to see if we might could pick up both of their heart beats.  I still really wasn't too concerned.  We only picked up on one of them.  But odly where we picked up on the heart beat was up higher on my stomach (below my right rib) were little Eli was, not where Rhett was. When we would scan lower where Rhett was there was nothing.  That sounds so backwards.  After we had dinner at her house she encouraged us to go in to just make sure nothing was the matter.  I'm so glad that she encouraged us to go in because we could have lost Rhett too.  I seriously was not really all that concerned still but just wanted peace of mind.

We went home Ryan was nervous that we might incur a large ER bill and I ensured him that we were going into Labor and Delivery and it was different.  He was like me, not really concerned yet cause I seemed fine.  He was thinking that I should just go in to the office the next day.  I told him I was bringing my bag just in case, cause I have heard of crazy stories where a woman went in for a regular visit and they end up having their babies.  So he decided to pack a bag too.  We also grabbed pajamas for the girls to fall asleep at grandmas, but I don't think that we had clothing for them for the next day cause I thought we would be back to get them that evening.

One the way to the hospital I almost talked myself out of going in cause I had felt some more movement.  I'm so glad I didn't listen to that feeling.  When we got there I still wasn't concerned so I told Ryan he could stay out in the car because he had a long day and was tired.  I went in and they told me that I had very high blood pressure and I told Ryan to come in.  They had brought in a few nurses and were prepping me for and IV of Magnesium.  Dr. Keating was waiting for Ryan to come in to tell me that Eli had passed.  Just minutes before Ryan had come in she had shown me on the ultrasound that baby B didn't have a heartbeat. Also she had informed us that I had a very high blood pressure that could have resulted in a stroke or seizure.  This was all a shock to me.  I didn't know how to react.  I had no warning.  They also gave me a steroid shot to help our little Rhett develop more.  I was going to have to deliver my baby boys within the next 48 hours as a result of preeclampsia, high blood pressure.

We were able to take it easy and rest for a full day while hoping Rhett would absorb, progress with the steroid shot.  Dr. West had done an ultra sound that had revealed that Rhett was transverse so he was most likely going to have to be delivered via c-section.  Some time during that day my friend had offered to pay for a session for us to remember our boys.  I will be forever grateful for those images of our little Eli.  Through the night my body was having braxton hicks that Rhett was not loving and so we knew there was a possibility that we would have to take him sooner.  We were hoping to do the c-section at 2pm on May 26th.  I was just finishing up breakfast just before 6am and then was going to be put on a water only diet.  Since I knew I could likely have to deliver sooner I tried to eat a light breakfast.  I think about 10 minutes after I ate they came in and told us it was time.  For the safety of our little Rhett we needed to proceed now. Ryan had already walked into the bathroom to take a shower but thankfully hadn't already started.  I told the nurses to knock on the door and tell him also it was time.

They wheeled me into the operating room.  Got Ryan some juice since he hadn't eaten yet.  I was slid onto the other table and prepped for a c-section.  When they were prepping the anesthesiologist mentioned oxygen and I told him to go ahead and just give it too me as I have needed it before.  At some point I really felt like I might throw up so asked for a throw up bag, but thankfully didn't need it during the c-section. All went well during the c-section and we got to take Eli back with us to the room.  I got to hold him for a while.  I think I still was very stunned and drugged that I didn't know how to enjoy him.  Thankfully after getting out of the hospital I got to spend some time with him in the funeral home.  Since we knew that we were going to be doing a photo session with him and the nurse told us the best way to preserve his body was to send him to the cooler.  I probably could have enjoyed him longer then will his little body was still warm and so perfect.   Also some time after the c-section my breakfast did end up coming up.  Unfortunately it came on too quickly that the nurse wasn't able to get the bag to me quick enough.  I threw up on my neck/chest and got a little on Eli's blanket.  I was a little upset because this nurse was waiting for another nurse to come help clean me up.  So I sat in my gown that had some throw up on it for a good ten plus minutes, probably even a half an hour. 

Since I knew I was going to have pictures done I didn't want to have an ugly ponytail.  I asked Andrea to come down and braid my hair.  I'm so glad she was willing and able to help me because with the magnesium IV I could hardly move.  I was starting to feel super tired and then the Nurse wanted to take me to my new room and go see Rhett on the way.  I was SO tired I was a little irritated she wanted to move just then.   They probably needed that recovery room for another mom.  So I got to see Rhett in the NICU and they told me I could probably do skin to skin with him. I think they were willing & maybe encoraging me to hold him at that time.  I just was way too tired. I was trying to think of when to do the pictures.  I'm so glad we were able to schedule to do them at 6pm on Saturday evening.

Saturday: The worst I have ever felt in my life.
On Saturday I hit a whole new level of low.  Sometime during the morning I was thinking I got to get up and get moving because Alisha my sister said the after a c-section you need to get moving to get things moving so your not in pain.  I got to realizing that I could not even move/lift my arms for more then like 30 seconds.  I was thinking how am I going to go to the butterfly room for my session, I can't even move my arms.  I was kind of depressed that here Ryan was getting showered and getting ready and I couldn't hardly even get my contacts in.   I must have complained enough and the nurse had sympathy enough on me that she had talked to the Dr. on call and had gotten me switched over to a pill for my blood pressure instead of the magnesium IV.  They took me off the IV around noon.  I was SO happy.  I now was going to have six hours to come off that IV instead of only two hours.  We also had some friends come in to visit and it was great to have visitors.  I realized that because my eyesight was still off from the blood pressure it took all of me to be involved in a conversation with them.  I later realized that the reason it took all of me is because with my hearing loss I really do rely on my eyesight quite a bit.  Then also at times I was so exhausted that I couldn't think straight.  When I would close my eyes my brain was all wack like I was on some crazy drugs.  A few different times I told Ryan I needed complete silence and I needed to knock out.  I put my hearing aides in as ear plugs to drown out even more noise.  I almost feared that I might be starting PPD and that scared me.  I almost feared that I might never be normal again.  I felt I might not be able to take care of my kids or drive a car again.   I just didn't feel good.  I wanted to get out of there fast so that I could get more rest without the nurses constantly checking on me.

The photo session:
Since I hadn't planned on having a baby quite yet I didn't really have clothing that I would normally pick for a photo session but oh well.  When we walked into the room it was beautiful.  I immediately knew I wanted one particular image of Ryan with his son little Eli. I'm SO glad Andrea arranged to have her photographer to take the images for us. They will be treasured by all of us.  I'm glad she opened up Eli's blanket and got his sweet prefect body & improved his color in Photoshop.

Surprise! Twins!

When I was looking at my sister Alisha's ultrasound image of her twins I kind of had a slight feeling "what if I had twins too".  I kind of felt like that was a slight heads up to prepare me.  

When I went in for my 8 week ultrasound and the tech was first zooming in I asked her "am I seeing what I think I'm seeing". "Is there two? No way". Like my thoughts were confirmed.  We for sure had twins on the way. Totally ironic for like no twins for a couple of generations and then both Alisha and I to both be expecting twins at the same time. 

Thank you mom

Kendra some times has a lot of energy and will repeat exactly what I told her not to do with a smile and a squeal. Though she is very polite.  She will often repeat "thank you mom" until she knows for sure I had heard her.  She'll often ask with a please. Very cute when she does it. 

Lost Child

I never imagined that I would have a miscarriage. I had been spotting a little so I went in for an ultra sound.  Baby had  measured two weeks too small and had a very faint heartbeat. I'm kind of glad I had one more week until my next ultrasound.  A week to prepare my mind that "this isn't right".   At the next ultrasound it was a definite no heartbeat. I was given meds to help baby pass.  I'm so glad that baby only got to six weeks in size verses the nine weeks he/she should have been. It would have been harder.  After the first two sets of pills I believe I passed baby and the pills too.  But I was told to take all of them to be sure to clear everything.  After the first two sets bleeding had slowed down.  I didn't feel much cramping with the third set.  Then the fourth set I took over night.  That one didn't feel good. It didn't feel like cramping it just stung/burned where the pills were at.  It might be because I was clear of baby or maybe because I was no longer moving around like I was when I was awake. I got up and took two ibuprofen. It must have fended the pain enough to go back to bed.  9/27/16

Heaven

Aubree: Why did Heavenly Father want our baby? 

Aubree: Why didn't Kendra died?  

She was wondering why this baby died but not Kendra. 

You make your mark

While I was making room for Mike and Debbie to move in I moved the elliptical.  While moving it Aubree said "you make your Hand Painting".  As in she was referring to how the dinosaurs in the "The Good Dinosaur" movie make their mark (like the Indians put their hand print on the wall).  Doing harder things make your mark apperantly. 

Kendra's many words

Kendra has been talking a LOT.  She says. 

Boba (bottle for a sippy/drink)

Momma

Dadda

Aubree

Potty

Ball

Stuck

Out

Shoe. (She will bring me her (matching) shoes when she wants to go outside. 

Bath time

Mine

I want that

Nigh nigh (night, night)

Fishy

Rock

Nack (snack) 

etc.  I know there are more that I'm missing, because she try's to copy a lot of words we say. 

Oh my

Aubree: "Oh, my, look at that kid."

Eyelashes

Aubree says that before Kendra was born we no know her a boy.  Her got out and her a girl.  Her got theses (pointing to her eyelashes).  I guess she has seen enough movies and books that they have  eyelashes on the girls but not the boys. 

Mom's got Bronchitis

I've had a runny nose and cough for a bit but with lack of sleep I got a even nastier sickness. Aubree waking an average of 2 times a night, and Kendra 1 time. I'm not getting the rest I need to prevent the sickness.  I really think when I have #3 I don't want to be working at a day care anymore. 

Kendra's 1 year

Kendra at one year

-Biting and carrying things in her mouth (our little doggy). 

-Loves bath time, hates getting out. 

-Camera shy, will smile for a brief moment and then turn her head away and purposely avoid the camera (sometimes smirking knowing she is avoiding me). 

-sitting on things or trying to climb higher, climbing in her car seat.

-baby dolls and hugging them. 

-bouncing & dancing.  

-she can sign more and all done. 

-I have caught her trying to copy me a few times.  Like drying something. 

-opening cupboards. 

Walking: up until now she used to crawl until about 4ft away and then stand up to walk to me. Now she mostly walks slowly but if she wants to get somewhere fast she'll still crawl. 

Sleep Deprived

So we now have 9am church... I was feeling ambitious and took the girls upstairs early. At about 7:20 we headed up stairs to get them dressed and have a short FHE. I didn't leave the room with them both asleep till 9:50. What a joke.  Part of it was cause Kendra threw up all over me (maybe over feeding? I feel my milk is slowing down so I gave her a bottle too so to top her off), and I had to throw everything in the tub and redress her.  Some time before 1 Aubree was in our bed (to darn tired to care to kick her out). Kendra woke at 1 and had a hard time setting. I finally got back to my bed at 1:30. I think it was less then a half hour where she woke again and I gave up.  We slept the rest of the night on Aubree's bed.  Not comfortable when trying to leave an 11month old plenty of room on a twin bed. I have no idea when she woke again, refusing to go back to sleep (maybe teething and an empty stomach, cause she threw up?). Nursing is great for settling just about anything. 😃  Bree decided to join us while dad was in the shower around 6:30? My bed is much more comfortable, but don't wake a sleeping baby that has a hard time settling.  So I hardly slept and all cramped up 😳 

Standing and a walking

Kendra decided to attempt standing on Christmas Day.  We all cheered her on so she decided to then take her first step that night since she had quite a few cheer leaders.  She is determined and keeps practicing standing. 

Know what I want

When I try to give Kendra a toy (when in the midst of a bunch of toys) a lot of the times she ignores me and reaches for a different one.  She definitely knows what she wants.  I don't think Aubree was this way.  I think she usually grabbed the toy I was giving her.